


(If You Want Blood) You Got It

by queerlyobscure (softestpunk)



Series: Kink Bingo Round Six (2013) [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Blood Drinking, Blood Kink, Bloodplay, Dark, M/M, Non-Consensual Drug Use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-03
Updated: 2013-07-03
Packaged: 2017-12-17 14:09:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/868455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/softestpunk/pseuds/queerlyobscure
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tasting Cas' blood starts out as an accident, and Dean's not the blood fiend in the family, but there's more to angel blood - and angels - than he ever thought.</p>
<p>Set late-s4</p>
            </blockquote>





	(If You Want Blood) You Got It

**Author's Note:**

> For the kink_bingo square 'bloodplay'.

It hadn't been a conscious decision.

Dean would always, when he looked back later, stick to that story. He hadn't meant it, he'd just reacted.

Maybe it was better to start at the beginning: Cas had been doing one of his bleed-all-over-the-damned place spells. So there was blood, all over the damned place. And all over Cas, who had his arm right in front of Dean's face, and a cut on his palm. Again, it wasn't exactly conscious - you lick a wound to stop the bleeding and keep it clean. It's good first aid, is all.

It's just usually better if you don't do it to someone else's wound. Not that Cas was just someone else. He was Cas, and that meant something.

So Dean licked his palm to clean it, while they were waiting to be ambushed by demons.

He tasted honey and sunshine; a rich, sweet mouthful of _angel._ It was easy to forget, sometimes, that Cas wasn't just not human, he wasn't even related to humans; but with Cas' blood in his mouth it was impossible to think of him as anything but an angel. He tasted and felt like it, the thicker-than-normal liquid tingling and crackling its way down his throat, like poprocks and cola. The horrible thought that it was going to kill him crossed Dean's mind for a moment, and he realised what a stupid thing he'd done as Cas jerked his hand away in shock and stared at him with wide eyes, not looking on uncomprehendingly for once, but with something unidentifiable turning the normally clear blue of his eyes stormy.

The demons chose that moment to burst through the door, and Dean had no opportunity to think further on Cas' blood, or his reaction to it being taken without permission. He watched the angel leap into battle like he'd never quite seen him before, charging at the demon leading the pack - a grey-haired man in mechanic's overalls - activating the spell he'd been working on as he moved and getting all but two of them in the resulting explosion. A tall blonde in a black knee-length skirt and a young man in a Walmart uniform remained standing, but dazed, and Cas took them both out before they'd regained their balance.

Dean relaxed for about the space of time it took a panting, bleeding Cas to turn and fix him with a look that might actually have killed someone less used to sheer terror. "We will talk about this later," Cas said tonelessly, and then vanished, leaving Dean alone to get back to Sam and worry about the subject of his future talk with Cas.

~o0o~

Castiel landed off-balance, reeling from the sensation of Dean drinking his blood. His head was filled with _want_ , and he could hardly tell if it was coming from him or whether it was left over from whatever Dean had been feeling.

The cut on his arm had already healed, but Castiel could still feel the touch of Dean's lips to his skin, smell the clean, warm scent of _human_ on himself. It was terrifying and intoxicating all at once, and given his brother's activities Castiel should have expected that Dean would be vulnerable to trying the same thing. He couldn't, in a million years, have predicted - hoped - that he would become the source, but now that he had the opportunity he wasn't going to lose it.

Taking a few moments to steady himself, Castiel began to think about what he was going to say to Dean. He wouldn't lie to him, not ever, but it couldn't hurt to play up the benefits at first and, perhaps, fail to confess how good it felt to share such a close connection with him. Hardly able to understand the feeling himself, Castiel decided it could go unspoken for the moment. Dean was an unusually perceptive human, and he'd know what - if anything - to do about it when the time came.

With a cursory and quickly-abandoned attempt to straighten himself out from the rumpled mess he was in after all the excitement, Castiel resolved to get some rest and allow Dean some time to think before he went to speak to him, a plan already forming in his mind to encourage the young hunter to try it again under more comfortable circumstances.

~o0o~

  
"Where's Sam?"

Dean jumped, not having heard Cas land over the sound of the TV, and nearly fell off the bed as a result.

"Nice to see you too, Cas," Dean grumbled. "He's following up on a lead. With Ruby, so I'm not exactly expecting him back soon."

"Good. I'd rather he didn't hear this." Cas sat down on the end of the bed Dean was lounging on, rearranging his coat before he settled and remained still, looking straight at Dean unblinkingly.

"Didn't hear what?" Dean knew what was coming. He'd be waiting for Cas to show up and chew him out over the whole unintentional blood drinking thing, and all that nervous energy was currently pooling in his stomach. He shifted uncomfortably under the weight of Cas' gaze.

"Did you enjoy it?"

This wasn't one of Cas' 'your strange human ways confuse me' questions. It was one that he knew the answers to, right and wrong. Dean suspected 'no' was the right answer, but it was hard to lie to Cas at the best of times.

"Yeah. That's bad, right?" Dean wet his lips. To his surprise, Cas shook his head.

"It's a relief, actually. I would have been concerned if you'd been disgusted."

Dean thought about that for a moment. It probably should have been disgusting - his own blood was tolerable,  but he didn't exactly like having it in his mouth, and having anyone else's blood in his mouth was something he normally tried pretty hard to avoid - but Cas' blood had been nice. Comforting, even.

That was weird as hell. Sam was meant to be the blood-drinker in the family, and the thought always turned Dean's stomach. He could barely look at Ruby without feeling a little sick.

"Why?" Maybe there was a good reason that angel blood ranked right up there with some of the best things Dean had ever tasted.

"You're special, Dean. For lots of reasons. It's not a bad sign that you find my blood... palatable." Cas shifted, hesitated for a moment and then continued. "In general, angels consider it a waste to share their blood with humans. They're ungrateful and most of them don't get the full benefit from it. But I can see that you have. Do you feel stronger? More alert? Better vision?"

Dean nodded. "I thought that was all 'cause I slept like a baby last night."

"Babies sleep poorly and often wake." Cas frowned, obviously understanding what Dean meant but feeling the need to point this out anyway. "But better sleep is likely an effect of the blood, too. It makes you... healthier, I suppose, is the most accurate term."

"Yeah, I can definitely believe that. I feel good."

"And you had less than a mouthful. Imagine the effect if you took twice as much, or more." Cas' eyes gleamed.

"Wait, hold on." Dean held up a hand. "Are you encouraging me to drink your blood?"

"It will make you stronger," Cas explained.

"You been hanging out with demons, Cas? Because this really doesn't sound right."

"Do you honestly believe that I'd do anything to harm you?" Cas sounded hurt, and he had every right to, Dean realised belatedly. He'd earned the benefit of the doubt, and as far as Dean knew he had no reason to lie to him. At least, not about this.

"And what do you get out of it?"

Cas shifted and looked away, like something straight out of a 'How to Look Suspicious' textbook. "Isn't your wellbeing enough of a reward for me?"

"No," Dean replied without a pause, discarding the previous thought that Cas deserved the benefit of the doubt on this. "So talk."

Cas shifted again, the bed covers bunching up around him because of the movement.

"Come on. What is it, some kind of weird angel kink?" Dean could pretty much accept that. If Cas got off on having his blood sucked, that was a fair enough exchange for feeling this good.

"It's nothing so crass." Cas sighed. "You will laugh at me, but I believe I would enjoy the intimacy."

"Intimacy?" Dean's eyes widened.

"Perhaps that's too strong a word. I mean that I find the contact pleasant. Not sexually, but emotionally." Cas looked as confused about this as Dean felt, so at least they were both in the same boat. Dean was reminded of a thought he'd had on another occasion that Cas seemed kind of young, compared to Zachariah and Uriel. Probably why Uriel was so pissy about Cas being in charge and went darkside on all of them.

"Okay. Was that so hard?" Dean smiled at him, but then weight of something he couldn't quite identify settled heavily in his gut.

"Yes. I felt incredibly exposed and vulnerable and I didn't like it at all."

Dean snorted. "Yeah, well, you and the rest of the world, man." He shrugged.

"We should build up to a full dose," Cas changed the subject artfully. "It might be a bit of a shock to your system otherwise."

"How much is a full dose?" Dean went along with the new direction of the conversation, not especially wanting to talk more about his feelings or anyone else's.

"As much as you can fit in your stomach, I suppose. You'll probably stop getting any more benefit before then, though. I imagine four or five mouthfuls will be as much as you need, but we should still test it."

"Sounds good. Let's do that." Dean nodded.

"Excellent."

Before Dean could react, Cas had pulled out a knife from his coat and sliced a line along his wrist, dark blood welling up from the cut as soon as the blade broke his skin. Dean moved to sit next to him, taking the offered wrist in his hand awkwardly and putting his mouth to it. He didn't normally touch Cas, but now that he had, it seemed a lot less weird than he thought it might have been.

This time, with the blood flowing freely, it was like drinking down the air before a storm, charged and sweet. Dean drank in small mouthfuls, not wanting to take more than Cas intended to give. The angel in question had closed his eyes, and looked more peaceful than Dean had ever seen him. If this was what it took to make the guy relax, Dean was all for it.

Cas drew his arm away after ten seconds or so; not urgently but firmly enough that Dean got the hint that he'd had enough. His whole body was buzzing with it, like the clearest high he'd ever experienced - all the happy up-ness without the fuzziness that came along. He felt _good_.

It took a moment for him to realise that he was also tenting his pants, but considering how switched on he felt right now, he wasn't overly surprised that his body was confused. He'd been kind of horny earlier, too, so he thought nothing of it and grabbed a pillow to save Cas the embarrassment.

"How do you feel?" Cas asked breathlessly.

"Good." Dean nodded. "Buzzed, you know? But clear, too. Like I could run a couple of marathons if I wanted."

Cas blinked at him for a moment. "It would appear I failed to think this through. You have no way to use the energy right now."

"You kidding? I bet this'll make me the god of research." Dean grabbed the laptop from the nightstand. "No coffee required."

"If you say so." Cas still looked unsure. "I'll take my leave of you."

"You don't have to leave." Dean looked up at him, not sure what post blood-drinking etiquette was. Well, he had a pretty good idea on what it was for Sam, but figured Cas would probably get upset if he offered him sex.

"I am needed elsewhere." Cas stood, but failed to meet Dean's eyes when he looked at him. "I will try to return at a time when you have more need of it."

"I'll let you know next time we're about to hunt something," Dean agreed. "Later, Cas." He turned to his research as Cas disappeared.

~o0o~

  
Castiel took several deep breaths after excusing himself from Dean's presence, but it wasn't enough to loosen the tightness in his chest - or anywhere else, for that matter. He curled up on the bed of the small room he'd taken himself too, a house that was empty while the owners weren't using it for a vacation. They were devout people, Castiel argued to himself. They wouldn't mind even if they knew that an angel was borrowing their second home.

Even if said angel was using it as a space to come down from some deeply un-angelic thoughts.

It wasn't that he'd failed to notice Dean's arousal. There was nothing he didn't notice about Dean; he noticed when his razor was getting blunt and quietly replaced it from time to time without saying anything. He noticed when Dean had slept awkwardly and wanted desperately to soothe sore muscles, but never knew how to ask. He knew when Dean was lonely and went to him, making up the excuse of updating him on the looming apocalypse to avoid the question of what he was doing there.

So of course, he'd notice something as confronting and obvious as that. He'd even felt himself reacting, and was never more glad of the long coat he'd never taken off. With this body empty except for him, though, Castiel had no idea what to do about it, or if it would be appropriate to do anything. He squirmed in discomfort, shoving his hands between his legs petulantly in an attempt to stop it, but only making it worse in the process. The thought of going back to Dean to see what _he_ was doing occurred to him, but Castiel had also not missed the mild embarrassment - even after the offer for him to stay - and he wouldn't put his human through that.

His human. That was new. Angels didn't have personal humans any more than humans had personal angels, and Castiel had been _specifically_ warned against getting too close to this particular human. He'd chosen to ignore it, but warnings were rarely there for no reason at all. The risk was starting to seem a lot bigger, the closer he got to Dean.

Even as he thought it, though, Castiel knew he was going to keep going back.

~o0o~

  
_Cas? You up there?_ Dean prayed as hard as he could. He was eager to try out this angel blood thing in a situation where it would make a difference. It was only a few seconds before Dean got his answer, Cas appearing too close in front of him as usual.

"Why are we in a public restroom?" Cas looked around as though he was taking a tour of the place.

"Only place I could get rid of Sammy." Dean shifted uncomfortably. "I don't wanna rush you or anything, but I'd be all for making this time quick."

"Oh." Cas' eyes widened in understanding. "You want blood."

A stab of guilt hit Dean in the stomach. Now who sucked at people skills? "Yeah. Guess I should have said that to start, huh?"

Cas nodded and pushed his sleeve up before grabbing a knife from one of his pockets. He had his wrist open and bleeding by the time Dean had crossed to him. "It's all right, Dean." Cas offered his wrist. "What are you hunting?"

"Rugaru," Dean answered before he latched on to Cas' wrist. He tried to hold back a moan as blood filled his mouth, but had to settled for stifling it against Cas' skin instead. The rich fluid flowed down his throat and warmed his stomach, the effects already starting by the time Cas took his arm away.

"This should give you an advantage over it. Please try not to get eaten. Do you mind if I observe?"

"I don't know if I can explain you to Sammy." Dean hedged, shifting his weight between each leg.

"I would be invisible. I don't wish to interfere, just watch."

Dean shrugged. "Sure. Just let me know when you're going so I'm not waiting for you to leap out at me all night. Discreetly, though."

Cas nodded and then vanished, but Dean assumed he was still somewhere nearby. He left the men's room as casually as possible, nearly running straight into Sam as he rounded the corner.

"I was just coming to look for you," Sam explained. "You sure you're okay to do this tonight? You were gone a while."

Sam's honest concern left Dean feeling guilty again, but he plastered on a smile all the same. "Never better. I feel great now."

"You sure?" Sam raised an eyebrow.

"I'm sure, Sam." Dean shrugged and headed for the Impala. "Besides, who else is gonna get this thing?"

Sam seemed to accept Dean's assurances that he was okay, climbing into the car silently and not questioning Dean's fitness further as they drove towards where the rugaru had been spotted, according to witnesses and the three bodies he'd left parts of behind so far.

One of the benefits of angel blood turned out to be awesome reflexes. Dean guided the car like it was a part of him, hugging the road even at speeds that should have seen him careering into the barriers. Sam seemed less impressed, gripping the dashboard like he could get the car to slow down that way, but Dean whooped and cheered his way down the highway and pulled up between two trees with barely a foot of space between them the sides of the car.

"Do I need to pour holy water on you?" Sam got out of the car on unsteady legs.

"I told you, man, I feel awes-"

Dean was cut off by the rugaru leaping at him and knocking him to the ground. He caught a flash of claws and thought that this was how he was gonna die. Not willing to go down without a fight, he lashed out wildly and caught the thing in the side with his knee and it roared in pain before rolling away.

Cas had been right; this was one hell of an advantage. "Sammy, get the flamethrower." Dean rolled to his feet between the rugaru and his brother, falling into a fighting stance and only a little sore from the earlier attack. This was awesome.

Being a match for something that normally would have torn into him and eaten his soft parts was one helluva feeling. Dean dodge and ducked with ease, getting in a few good hits of his own, and by the time Sam yelled at him to move out of the way, the rugaru was in no shape to run with him.

As the monster went up in flames, Dean stood panting and stretching newly-improved muscles. The thought that this must be what a real predator felt like - fit, fast, and stronger than whatever it was about to prey on - hit him as he collapsed into the driver's seat of the car, tired, but not as sore as he should have been. Oh, and hard as a rock in his jeans, but he was starting to get that that was a side-effect he'd just have to expect. As trade-offs went, this one was more than fair.

Avoiding Sam's suspicious eyes and leading questions, Dean kept quiet on the way back to the motel, and excused himself to the bathroom straight away, figuring his earlier trip set him up with a plausible reason for spending a while in there. He sat down on the closed lid of the toilet to wait for Cas, absently rubbing at his crotch when the angel didn't appear within a minute. Dean was just thinking about opening his pants and taking care of the problem once and for all when Cas appeared in front of him again.

"Your physical strength was clearly greatly improved."

Dean snatched his hand away from his crotch guiltily - what was it with him and guilt today? - and looked up at Cas. "Uh, yeah. Normally I'd have been shredded, but it was just like fighting a regular human."

"Do you still feel good?"

Dean nodded. "Still feeling great." He tried not to think too hard about the pressure between his legs. "Thanks, Cas."

Cas smiled a tiny smile that Dean would have described as fond on anyone else. "You're very welcome, Dean. I'll see you later."

Dean nodded at the empty air that Cas had been in a moment before and looked down at his crotch contemplatively before deciding it was too late to go out and find someone willing to help him out with it, and instead resolved to sleep it off

~o0o~

  
_Cas!_ Castiel could hear the younger Winchester brother screaming in his head. _Cas, get down here!_

Whatever Sam wanted, it seemed urgent. The fact that Dean wasn't also calling made him worry more, the wind rushing through his feathers as he plummeted to the ground, pulling up just in time to see Dean half-conscious in his brothers arms, long slashes bleeding out down his side.

He understood the panic now, and froze with it himself for a moment, the only thought in his head a reverberating 'Dean is dying', loud enough to drown out the sound of Sam's shouting. Castiel shook his head to clear it, felt the terrifying calm he recognised as battle instinct trickle down from his head to his toes, and knelt beside Dean, brushing Sam aside to take his place. Producing his pocket knife, Castiel slit open his wrist, leaving a long gash along pale skin. He pressed it to Dean's mouth and felt, even through everything else, a twinge of satisfaction when his charge latched on to it and sucked eagerly.

They'd done this enough times now that Dean was used to it, so even in his half-conscious state the blood slid easily down his throat, the rhythm of sucking and swallowing staying steady even between shuddering breaths. Castiel reached out tentatively to touch at the wound on Dean's side, concentrating on helping it heal with his own power as well as Dean's own hugely-accelerated healing process.

Castiel was only vaguely aware of a sick, sinking feeling before Dean passed out.

  
~o0o~

  
Dean woke with a start, fully expecting to be back in Hell and shocked to find himself under scratchy sheets with an even-scruffier-than-usual angel watching him way too closely.

"You look like crap." Dean frowned up at Cas. He felt his side under the covers and found his shirt ripped but his flesh healed. After a moment of taking stock of himself, he realised he was buzzing with an angel blood high and filled in the rest of the blanks for himself.

"Thanks for the rescue." He sat up gingerly, expecting to feel the pull of a newly-healed wound. The only thing he was aware of besides the buzz, though, was the hard-on that he'd come to expect with it.

"You're welcome." Cas settled back into the chair he'd pulled up beside the bed. Dean was about to ask why he hadn't just laid down next to him, but stopped himself in time to remember that it was because they weren't people who shared a bed.

That thing Cas had said about the _intimacy_ of sharing blood was starting to make a whole lotta sense. Apparently it was starting to screw with Dean's mind, and if he wasn't sure that Cas was a pillar of good intentions, he'd be terrified of what that meant right now.

"You still look like crap. Are you okay?"

"I will be, now that I'm sure you are." Cas scrubbed a hand over his face and then through his hair, having no effect at all on the neatness or typical lack thereof. Dean had a sudden urge to reach out for it, as well, but resisted. Not that Cas would be likely to realise that it was weird, but Dean would know, and Sam, wherever the hell he was, would probably choose that moment to come back.

"What have you done with Sam?"

"I haven't done anything with him. He's... processing," Cas pronounced as though the word was foreign to his mouth. "Or so he said."

"You told him?" Dean realised with a rush of cold down his back. He'd been keeping the whole blood-drinking thing from Sam for a _reason_ , and now...

"I had little choice. It was do it in front of him or let you die."

" _Bullshit_ ," Dean spat. "You've had no problem healing anyone before."

"This is different," Cas hissed urgently. "I'm not supposed to interfere like that. But-"

Dean raised a hand to cut Cas off. "I get it." He didn't need to hear _but I couldn't let you die_ to know that was what Cas meant. The awkward feelings quota for the day was more than full.

"I should let you sleep. Sam will be more likely to return if he knows I'm not here. You should call him and let him know you're awake."

"Yeah." Dean looked up at the ceiling. He didn't want Cas to go. Cas felt safe right now, like he was exactly where Dean needed him most. But he also knew that he needed to talk to Sam, because he'd just wandered into the town square of hypocrite central in the nude and painted himself in angel blood.

~o0o~

  
When it was Dean's turn to storm out of the motel room saying unkind things about his brother, Castiel watched him. He followed him into the Impala and sat in the front passenger seat, invisible but present in case Dean's anger clouded his ability to think clearly and he was at risk of injuring himself again. Ther drove without incident for what Castiel estimate to be about four miles, then peeled off the main road into the carpark of a heavily wooded rest area with a broken lamp that had once provided light at night, but now only buzzed and crackled, trying valiantly to turn on despite its ill-repaired state.

"I know you're here, Cas. I can tell when you're nearby." Dean spoke as if he was addressing the steering wheel, and Castiel wasn't quite sure if he really _did_ know he was there, or whether he was just checking. After all, if he hadn't been, no one would have been around to hear Dean guessing.

All the same, Dean looked impatient, and Castiel could feel that he was upset. He had no reason to hide from him any longer, and so materialised in the passenger seat.

"Hello, Dean."

Dean didn't seem surprised at all, so Castiel assumed that he had, actually, been aware that he was near. "How long have you been able to sense me?"

"Just since that time with the rugaru. Or, I mean, it might have been longer, but I didn't know about it until then. It was faint at first, but it's getting stronger. Like... I dunno. I can physically feel it."

"You're beginning to absorb my grace." Castiel nodded.

"Whoa." Dean blinked at him, apparently shocked at this information. "I'm what?"

"Absorbing my grace. It's like..." Castiel searched for an appropriate metaphor. "Alcohol building up in the liver. But beneficial."

"That sounds... permanent?" Dean asked warily. Castiel nodded again.

"It will leave a mark on you." He wet his lips. "I can see it around the edges of your soul."

Castiel pushed back the surge of possessiveness he felt as he looked at the way his grace was bleeding into Dean's soul. It was bad enough that he had to let Dean know that he was leaving yet another permanent mark on him without risking him realising that Castiel _liked_ the idea.

"So there are side effects?" Dean seemed nervous, like he was waiting for the other shoe to drop. "Am I addicted to your blood, Cas?"

That was a question Castiel hadn't considered. Human addiction wasn't something he'd ever experienced for himself, and he had no idea what would qualify as one. "Possibly," he began honestly. "But it will do you no harm, and any associated withdrawal would be purely psychological."

Dean stared at his knees, squirming restlessly in his seat. As much as he hated to see Dean uncomfortable, Castiel wasn't quite sure what he could do to soothe him.

"I find it very comforting when you suckle from me," he tried, hoping this was the sort of thing Dean would want to hear. "As though I'm able to provide for you. I also enjoy being physically close to you and I believe I may be addicted to that."

When Castiel dared to look over at Dean again, he was shocked by the look on his face. He'd expected disappointment or anger, but Dean... Dean was curious. Curious, and aroused.

"So you _do_ get off on it?" Dean asked after a moment. Castiel swallowed thickly, not sure how to explain himself or what answer Dean wanted. He might not have understood every facet of human sexuality, but it would have been a lie to say that he didn't realise he was, as Dean said, getting off on it.

"Yes," he tried tentatively. "I believe you would think so."

Dean took a deep breath and let it out slowly and shakily. "Wow." He coughed and cleared his throat. "Did you know you would before?"

"I'd like to remind you that you started this." Castiel curled up a little, burrowing into the corner that the side of the car and the back of the seat made. "I had no idea what was going to happen."

After a moment of considering, Dean nodded. "Right." He wet his lips. "Okay, so, on the one hand, I desperately want to fuck you. On the other hand, _you're an angel_."

A surge of jealousy he thought he'd gotten over flared through Castiel. "That didn't stop you before."

Dean blinked at him for a moment, apparently shocked, and then frowned. "Are you jealous?"

"I..." Castiel hesitated. "Yes. You are _my_ human. I saved you and I look after you and I'm ignoring orders for you. I think I deserve some faithfulness."

"You..." Dean stared open-mouthed, a dark blush creeping up his cheeks. Castiel could see the anger he'd expected now, and knew he'd been fooling himself to think he'd recieve anything else. "Get out of my car you manipulative son of a bitch."

Castiel flew off without hesitation, a deep uneasiness settling over him as he fled. He'd made a mistake in offering Dean his blood and had compounded it by not being entirely truthful about why he was doing it. Dean's forgiveness was the thing he wanted most, of course, but he certainly hadn't earned it and he wasn't foolish enough to ask.

 ~o0o~

 

After reaching an unspoken agreement with Sam that they would both just keep their comments about certain choices the other was making to themselves, Dean threw himself into hunting, and, with equal fervour, brooding.

Not that he was about to admit that that was what he was doing. It was more like justified grumpiness that Cas had lied to him. Except he hadn't so much lied to him as Dean had failed to ask the important questions and then gone on to use him for his own gain.

It was safe to say that Dean was aware by now that they'd _both_ been in the wrong, and the thing Dean was most mad at Cas about as having a crush on him. Which, considering that it was getting increasingly hard to ignore ho much he missed him, was kind of ridiculous.

Knowing that Sam would be out for the night, Dean steeled himself for what was about to happen and called out to Cas in his head. For a moment, he thought that either Cas was ignoring him or hadn't heard him, but then the familiar rustle of feathers and fabric sounded behind him, and he turned to see Cas standing at the end of the bed.

"Did you intend to call me this time or were you about to think something uncharitable about me?" Cas asked.

"You heard that?" Dean wet his lips, feeling slightly guilty about some of the things he'd thought about Cas.

"When I wasn't actively tuning you out, yes." Cas nodded once, and then cleared his throat. "I owe you an apology and a full explanation."

"I'm listening." Dean folded his arms, not entirely sure yet that he was willing to accept either, but wanting to hear Cas out.

"Right. Firstly, I'm sorry I wasn't as upfront with you as I could possibly have been. I'm also sorry I implied that you owe me your loyalty. I'm new to wanting things and it's difficult for me to separate what I want from what is objectively true. You don't owe me anything and it was unfair to think in those terms."

"I am kinda flattered, for the record," Dean said. If Cas was being honest, he might as well be.

"Hopefully you'll see the flattering side of the other thing I have to tell you." Cas paused and shoved both of his hands in his pockets, mimicing Dean's defensive stance. "The reason we're not supposed to let humans drink our blood is that regular doses over a period of time are necessary for a human to bear the strain of carrying a nephilim. A human-angel hybrid child," Cas clarified.

Dean blinked. "You were planning on getting me pregnant?" He was almost certain that wasn't actually what Cas was trying to say, but he really needed to be sure.

"No, of course not. Even if I felt the need to defy my superiors that dramatically, you lack the necessary reproductive organs." Cas looked at him like he'd suggested - well, like he'd suggested getting him pregnant, which was pretty crazy in hindsight.

"Okay, so, why then?"

"I was aware that it had some... bonding effects, as well. On about the same level that a human's orgasm increases their capacity for affection. If you weren't inclined towards it in the first place, the effect would be negligible, but if you _were_ it would make you more open to the possibility."

"So you were trying to brainwash me into liking you?" Dean deadpanned.

"You could give me _some_ credit. My primary intention was always to give you an advantage over the things you hunt. The possibility that it would make you want to be closer to me was a side benefit. It obviously hasn't worked, so I'll take it there was no such desire on your end."

"Cas, you..." Dean sighed. "You're _really_ not human, are you?"

"I think that much is obvious."

"Listen... this is a big deal, okay? I get why you don't get it, but it's a big deal to me."

"I understand."

Dean could tell that Cas was lying - he didn't understand at all, and he was probably never going to. "No, you don't. But whatever." Dean waved him away and collapsed onto his bed, deliberately turning away from him. "Don't catch your wings in the door on your way out."

 ~o0o~

 

Castiel was gone from Dean's hotel room for no more than ten minutes when he realised he had to go back. He entered the room again to find Dean curled up with his chin on his knees at the head of his bed, staring into space.

"I do understand," he said before Dean could stop him. "I understand that you're upset because I didn't tell you everything, but you also never asked. I didn't _intend_ to deceive you and if you'd raised any serious doubts about it I wouldn't have continued. But I don't think it's wrong that I did something I enjoyed when I wasn't hurting you."

Dean stood up from the bed and stalked over to him, leaving less than a foot of space between them. "You don't think it hurt to assume I wouldn't be okay if I'd known about _that_ side-effect? That you think I'm too stupid to weigh up the risks and decide for myself that it _was_ helping and it was worth it?"

"I don't think you're-" Castiel cut himself off when Dean growled. He didn't really want to upset him any further.

"Shut up," Dean hissed. "You took what you wanted without asking."

Castiel backed off automatically as Dean advanced towards him, until his back hit the wall behind him. Dean kept moving forward, though, until they were pressed chest-to-chest and Castiel could feel warm breath against his face. Agonisingly slowly, Dean leaned in to Castiel's ear.

"Now it's my turn," he whispered. Castiel swallowed thickly. He could fly away, and part of him was scared enough to do so. But the low, itchy heat deep in his stomach told him not to move, and so he didn't, instead focusing on keeping his breathing as even as possible.

The soft _snickt_ of one of Dean's knives was the only sound aside from harsh breathing for nearly a full thirty seconds, and knowing what was coming made Castiel close his eyes. He felt the cold silver of the blade nick his throat, a small, precise cut that would leave a human bleeding out within minutes, and shivered. The touch of Dean's lips around it was next, gentle as if he'd just now decided not to hurt him, tongue lapping at the blood that welled up from the tiny wound.

The possibility of healing himself and not allowing Dean any more occurred to him, but Castiel discarded it. Not only was this his penance for deceit, but this was exactly what he'd wanted - what he'd imagined since not long after Dean had first licked his bloodied palm. For all the things about humanity he didn't understand, the appeal of vampires was clear to him. He'd given Dean life before, and this was the same thing, though less literally.

Castiel let his head fall to the side, giving Dean all the access he could want to his neck. By this point he was starting to tremble, recognising the overwhelming sensation of need for exactly what it was and terrified that Dean would realise as well, and stop.

"You like this," Dean murmured against his neck. "Don't you?"

" _Yes_ ," Castiel breathed, barely daring to say so but knowing he'd be caught in a lie right now.

"Good," Dean purred. When he leaned back, his eyes were glassy and bright, frighteningly fierce and beautiful. This was the gorgeous predator Dean was always meant to be, Castiel thought.

"G-good?" He stuttered, not following at first until Dean pressed their hips together.

" _Good_ ," Dean repeated. "Because next time, I might even finish you off. Now get out of here."

Castiel gulped and vanished, head swimming and cock throbbing. Next time couldn't come soon enough.

 


End file.
